How to Meet a Great Girl and Get Her to Start Dating You
I talk to a lot of men who really want to meet a great girl and set off on a rewarding relationship, but they don’t know where to start. I see dozens of sweet, nice, lovely men who have so much energy and affection to give, but they don’t know how to find a girlfriend in the first place. In this section I’m going to give you twenty-five secrets and “instructions” that are guaranteed to help you find a wonderful girl who is just right for you.
1) Exude confidence.
Women immediately go for men who appear independent and self-confident. Men who are secure about who they are look instantly appealing to a single gal. Even if you don’t feel that confident, fake it! Once you see the responses you start getting, you’ll feel as confident as you appear!
2) Be well-groomed.
Women get really turned off by men who are sloppy, messy or dirty. That shows a lack of self-respect and a lack of self-confidence. Get a haircut, shave, brush your teeth, use floss and mouthwash, and slap on that deodorant after you shower!
3) Women tend to be very aroused by pleasant scents, so wear a nice cologne.
If you want a woman to lean in close to you and lay her hand on your, you’d better smell nice! Women have a very sensitive sense of smell, so go out and get a subtle cologne. Don’t douse yourself in it, though! Remember, moderation is key. You want to smell good, not like a perfume factory.
4) Dress well.
Now, I’m not saying that you have to wear expensive clothes. I’m just saying that women tend to like clothing and fashion, and we’re going to notice what you have on. If you look like you’ve just rolled out of bed, if you’re wearing torn jeans and a threadbare tee-shirt, that’s not going to impress us. Iron your shirt, wear a nice pair of shoes, and please don’t wear white socks with black pants!
5) If you’re no Brad Pitt, don’t worry!
Did you know that women are more interested in a man’s sense of confidence than they are in his looks or even his money? Just make sure that you are dressed neatly and are well-groomed, and that you exude charisma and confidence. You don’t have to be the most handsome man in the room as long as you feel sure of yourself.
6) Don’t set your sights on a woman who is probably not going to be interested in you.
This is where you have to be realistic. Like I said, women aren’t necessarily attracted to a man based on how handsome he is, but women, like men, are usually attracted to “types”—for example, the tall, dark and handsome type, or the blonde, athletic type. If you are a short, dark-haired man and you see a woman who is surrounded by tall, blonde men, the chances are that you are just not her type.
7) Don’t sit in a corner and expect the women to come to you.
Most men I talk to are afraid of getting rejected—well, don’t be! Women are often really flattered when men come up to them and express interest. But the key here is to be respectful and not to use a cheesy pick-up line (more on this later). The bottom line is, go out and give it a shot. Go talk to a woman who looks appealing to you. Chances are she’ll be glad you came over to chat. And if she isn’t, or if she says no, what have you lost? Not a thing! Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained!
8) Show that you are polite and thoughtful.
If you’re at a bar, offer to buy the girl a drink. If you’re at a singles mixer event where there’s food, offer to go over to the food table and get her a snack. If you are online at the supermarket, offer to let her go ahead of you, or help her carry her groceries to her car. Do whatever is appropriate to indicate that you’re a nice, gentlemanly guy.
Don’t take the whole singles scene so seriously. If you sit in a corner brooding over your next move or worrying about what to say, you’ll come across as unhappy and kind of creepy. Women want to talk to men who look like they are enjoying themselves and have a fun life. Laugh and show those pearly whites!
10) Don’t be too aggressive, because this will turn a woman off.
There is a fine line between “confident man” and “jerk.” Women like it when you are sure of yourself, but we hate it when men act like they are God’s gift. Don’t act too macho or too cocky.
11) Steer clear of those cheesy pickup lines.
A lot of men tell me that they resort to pickup lines because they just don’t know what else to say to a woman they have just met. Well, if you use a pickup line, chances are that the woman you’re talking to will think that you are unoriginal and a little silly. We would much rather here you say something honest and sincere than resort to a line that’s been used a million times before. A simple, “Hi, I’m John,” or whatever your name is, will go a lot farther towards impressing a girl than, “Hey baby, heaven must be missing an angel.”
12) Don’t be uncouth.
Some guys seem to think it’s hilarious to belch loudly in a restaurant or bar or to talk about bodily functions in public. That is NOT something you should be doing in front of a girl you’ve just met for the first time. Be on your best behavior—women know that boys will be boys, but we’re much more likely to go over and talk to a guy who seems mature.
13) Be a good conversational partner.
Women want to know that you are listening to them and paying attention to what they are saying. Trust me on this! If your eyes glaze over or you turn and look at the leggy beauty who’s standing behind the woman you’re talking to, you’ve just blown your chances. Pay attention and stay engaged in the conversation. Ask questions and respond to any questions she asks you.
14) Awkward pauses at this stage spell disaster.
After you’ve gotten to know someone well, a silence can be a nice thing to share. But when you’ve just met a women, standing there tongue-tied without anything to say can be embarrassing and a big turn-off. A woman will find it unattractive if you appear awkward and tongue-tied. Keep the conversation going by always having a “safety” question to ask. Make it something simple and nonspecific, such as “Where did you go to school?,” “Where do you work?,” “Are you here with friends?,” or even “Did you see that new movie, [some recent flick]?” Just have some comment in your back pocket that you can pull out if you are in dire need for something to say.
15) Give out sincere compliments.
Once you have met a girl and you’re engaged in a conversation, talk about some aspect of her that you find attractive. Of course, be tasteful! Don’t compliment her “rack” or her “booty.” Women love it when you compliment us on our hair, our smiles, our sense of humor, and so on. Be sincere—don’t compliment something that you don’t really find attractive, or the woman you’re talking to will be able to tell that you’re lying just to snag her phone number.
16) Use her first name.
You know what gets really old? Being called “chick” or “honey” or “sweet lips” or whatever. When you meet a girl, make it a point to listen to her name when she introduces herself, and COMMIT IT TO MEMORY! Then, when you’re talking to her, use her name wherever is appropriate: “So, Jane, can I buy you another drink?” “Wow, you’ve had such an interesting life, Sharon!” This is a really simple and effective way to impress the girl you’re with.
17) Get out of the bar and have fun doing your own hobbies.
If the bar or pickup scene has not been working for you, or if that’s just not your cup of tea, one of the best ways to meet a great gal is simply to enjoy some of the activities you love. Do you love to read? Go to a book reading at your local bookstore. Enjoy coffee? Get a cappuccino and sit and read the Sunday paper at your favorite local café. Do you love baseball? Go to a sporting event with your buddies. This is a great way to meet people who you know like some of the same things as you—you already have something in common. And you know what? Women will probably respond to you better in these scenarios than in a bar because they won’t feel like they’re in a meat market!
18) Don’t stare at the woman you want to talk to.
If you see a woman you find attractive, don’t ogle her! That will only creep her out. Instead, one of the most seductive things you can do is glance at her just for a second or two, then look away. Wait a little bit, then glance over at her again. She will probably catch your eye at some point; if she smiles, go over and say hello. This kind of playful eye contact is much more fun and effective than staring.
19) Women respect men who are honest.
If you just want a one-night stand, it might be wise to get this out in the open before you wind up hurting anyone’s feelings. It’s never a good idea to string a woman along and then drop her later; you’ve got to be upfront and honest from the start.
20) Don’t lie in order to get a girl to like you or agree to go on a date with you.
If a woman says something that you really disagree with, don’t just nod along because she’s hot or you want to get her phone number. Ultimately, you’ll just ruin things when she finds out you’re not the guy she thought you were. Be honest from the beginning and you’ll assure yourself that you only end up with women who are right for you. That will save you a lot of trouble in the end.
21) Don’t invade a woman’s personal space.
If you want to meet a woman you’ve seen from afar, or if you’ve actually managed to engage her in conversation, the last thing you want to do is get too close and make her feel physically uncomfortable. Some guys think it is sweet or affectionate to rub the arm of a woman they’ve just met, or to stroke their hair or cheek. Well, let me tell you that women don’t respond well to being touched in intimate ways by men they have just met! Be respectful if you want to have a chance with this girl!
22) Women will walk away from a man who is too threatening or desperate.
Make it your goal in the meet-and-greet phase to come across as non- threatening and casual. This is because women immediately get turned off by men who seem to be too pushy or aggressive in trying to get a phone number or asking a girl out on a date. Instead of just rushing in and demanding a woman’s digits, take the time to get to know her. Talk to her for a bit before you ask for her number or email. That will make you seem much more interested and
23) The reason women hesitate to give out their phone numbers is because that would mean giving up control over whether or not you call.
If she doesn’t really want to give out her personal information but seems interested in you, give her your number or email address. Women love to feel that they have control over the situation, and having your contact information gives them that control.
24) Don’t approach every woman as though she has to be “the one.”
Don’t take it all so seriously! Just have fun, and look at the singles scene as a chance to meet some great people who have lots of things in common with you. Looking at it from this perspective will make dating a heck of a lot more fun for you, and as I’ve already said, it’s fun, confident, self-assured men who attract the most women!
25) Most women who are looking for a good, healthy relationship aren’t going to go home and sleep with a guy they’ve just met.
Lots of men have this fantasy of meeting a woman in a bar and having sex with her that very night. Well, get with the reality of the situation! Women want to get to know a man before they get serious, so respect that and don’t force anything.