1. Evaluating Yourself

1. Evaluating Yourself

1. Write down five personalities traits about yourself.

Think about at least five or more personality traits that you have. Write them down, and take a few sentences to describe why you think this personality trait applies to you.
  • Make sure at least one of them is a positive, good personality trait that you see in yourself.
  • Also, list one personality trait that is negative or bothering you in some way.
  • Don’t use your physical appearance as a way to describe yourself. Focus only on your personality.

2. Evaluate the positive and negative.

When you wrote down these personality traits, did you seem to focus on mostly positive or mostly negative traits? For example, did you have four negative traits, and only one good one?
  • Understand if you are only seeing the negative in yourself. You may feel like you’re not worthy or don’t believe in yourself. Find ways to boost your self-esteem.
  • If you only mentioned one negative trait, you may have greater confidence in yourself, but lack insight into what needs improvement. Consider evaluating your limits in a healthy way and finding more humility.

3. Identify activities you enjoy.

If you are not sure about how to develop your personality, think about what makes you happy. What activities do you enjoy? Do you like to spend time with others, or do more things on your own? Do you like fixing or creating things? Are you more artistic or science-oriented?
  • There are not right or wrong answers about which activities make you a happier or more personable person. This is just a way to figure out the context of what makes you happy.
  • Some people enjoy activities by themselves or with a few people more than others. Some people love to be at big parties with lots of people.
  • No matter the activity, it’s important to learn how to interact with and respect others. Good communication skills with others helps to show the best parts of your personality.

4. Assess what you want to improve.

Think about what is bothering you in particular about your personality. What do you want to see differently in yourself? By having greater insight, this is an important step to changing. Think about how you could improve in the following areas:[1]
  • Your anxiety, anger, or temper
  • Your shyness, fearfulness, or awkwardness
  • Your loneliness, sadness, or depression
  • Your stubbornness, irritability, or frustration
  • Your lack of trust
  • Your arrogance

2. Focusing on Positive Personality Traits

1. Find your confidence.

Confidence is an attractive personality trait. Often confident people who believe in themselves and in others are happier. While being arrogant in your confidence can make others uneasy, believing in yourself is key.
  • Identify the different ways to feel and look confident.
  • Have good body language that shows you’re not fearful of others. Maintain good eye contact. Smile. Look interested in what others say and do.
  • Gain confidence by focusing on the positive things in your life, and what you do well. Think about any recent events in which you worked hard, did well in something, or overcame a struggle. Remember these times, rather than the times where you messed up.
2. Be open to new experiences.

While it may feel comfortable to do the same old things you always do, be adventurous and consider trying other things. You may be shy or unsure if it will go well. Oftentimes, things aren’t as bad as you imagine them to be. Being open to new things makes you seem more flexible, interesting, and attractive to others.[2]
  • If you not ready to do something new on your own, try things in groups or with a trusted friend or family member.
  • New experiences don’t necessarily have to be risky adventures that put you or others in danger. It’s just something that gets you out of your comfort zone.
  • For example, let’s say you like to draw, but have never taken an art class because you’re not sure if you’re good enough. Well, that’s what a class is for–to improve, to explore, to create a new way of thinking.

3. Be agreeable and friendly.

While it may be tough to be agreeable all the time, people are more likely to respond positively and help you if you’re kind and friendly. Show others that you are interested in getting to know them. Be willing to listen and understand another person’s perspective.[3]
  • Show empathy when others need to talk or vent. Imagine what it would be like in their shoes. Listen without interruption. Put away your electronics and devices, and focus on being present with others in need.
  • Try to remain kind and polite even when others are rude. While it’s important to know your limits, avoid trying to pick a fight when someone disagrees with you.
4. Be respectful and humble.

You don’t necessarily have the same things or outlook as everyone else. You may be doing well for yourself. You may see others bragging about how well they’re doing. Focus on how to be humble rather than jealous. Respect that each person has their own path.
  • Show self-control.
  • Forgive yourself and others. Put the past in the past. Avoid dwelling on past mistakes, and focus on how to find solutions and be future-oriented. Consider saying these self-affirmations: “I release the past so that I can step into the future with pure intentions” or “I forgive myself one day at a time until it’s complete.”[4]
  • Focus on how you can give rather than take.
5. Have resilience.

Resilience is the courage to pick yourself up again after bad things happen. It’s a belief that you can persevere. This is an important trait, particularly during tough times.
  • Focus on how to be strong in your daily life. Stand up for yourself and others who are being bullied, demeaned, or hated. Have the courage to do selfless acts in which you put others above yourself.
  • Develop your resilience by not taking things too seriously. Believe in second and third chances to improve and become better. Take care of your body, mind, and spirit by finding ways to stay positive and be healthy.
  • Avoid being disheartened or disillusioned. Believe that you can contribute and make a difference, even in small ways.